Always striving for
Never is achievable
Always striving for
Never is achievable
Walk with me beyond
your limited view on life
and find what you seek.
Four corners, four walls
boundaries they created
look up and know life.
Silence is a source of great strength.
What is “strength” anyway?
When I was younger I thought my strength came from my never backing down. I felt that if you were the baddest bitch on the playground and no one messed with you, then you were strong. I was still nice to people, but I was quick to anger and quick to either throw a punch or hand people verbal smack downs on a regular basis.
As an adult, though, I have learned that you can’t just go around yelling at and beating people. No matter how much some actually deserve it or how good it would feel. :) But, I didn’t actually learn the true power behind silence until I got married.
My husband and I hadn’t been married that long before we had our first big argument. I, still having my never back down mentality, was hell bent on winning and proving my dominance. And even though we had been arguing for hours, I was just getting started. This was my arena.
Then he did something totally unexpected. He walked away. Right in the middle of one of my sentences, he turned around and walked away. My mouth dropped. I couldn’t believe it. After a few seconds of sincere shock, I had an epiphany. I knew, in that moment alone in my anger, that he walked away because he was stronger than me.
After he smoked about three cigarettes he came back into our room where he had left me. He sat next to me on the bed and I couldn’t help but ask, “Why did you walk away?” He then turned to me. Looking back at me with the big blues that I had first fallen in love with, he said, “I knew I was mad enough that I was about to say something I knew I would regret. Or that would hurt you and I wouldn’t be able to take back. So I went and smoked a cigarette instead.”
To say that I felt like a piece of shit is a tremendous understatement. He had left not out of weakness, but out of true strength and selfless love. In his silence he had not only effectively deflated our fight, but the truth in his words and the tenderness in his eyes had managed to shed light on something so deep rooted within my psyche that I had no idea it even existed. It forced me to begin asking “why”. Why was I the way I was? Why was I argumentative, hateful in my retorts, and filled with such anger.
It also made me appreciate him on an entirely different level. My husband, with his silent strength, was meant to be a blessing in my life. He has not only taught me the truth in Lao Tzu’s words through his actions, but has inadvertently led me on a rough road of self discovery and growth. As if that weren’t enough, he has been by my side through every repressed memory and every nasty truth that I have unearthed with a super human level of compassion, understanding, and non-judgment.
What is “strength”?
Strength is kindness. Strength is loving even when it is undeserved. Strength is compassion. Strength is acceptance and understanding. Strength is choosing loving silence over pride.
So thank you, my beloved husband, for being the person that I strive to become. And a very sincere “thank you” to the Divine for blessing me with my very own real life superhero.
Your horizon is
only limited by where
you decide to stop.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
I made love to Death
He set my soul on fire
Then we ate pancakes
Very well stated and truthful post! Please read!
Originally posted on Mommy Man:
I know, I never blog anymore, and when I do, it’s just to post some silly story of the wacky things my kids do. Well, this post isn’t going to be about my kids or about being a gay dad or any of my usual topics. It’s about something else that interests me that has nothing to do with any of those things: North Korea.
I’ve long been fascinated with the country, because everything I hear about it sounds like something out of a dystopican sci-fi movie. Speakers in people’s homes that blare propaganda and can’t be turned off. A populace forced to worship their dictator like a god. A high-ranking state official who may or may not have been fed to dogs.
Nobody in North Korea gets to read articles like those of course, because most of them haven’t even heard of the internet. If you like The Hunger…
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“Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Keep in mind fellow bloggers that hard work and determination is the “cause” and our ultimate success is the “effect”. Don’t worry about those “shallow” men, they leave more room for the rest of us. ;)
I can’t sleep, I don’t even want to. Every hour of unconsciousness is 60 minutes wasted that I could put to better use elsewhere. Like for example, decluttering my damn mind. The words float between my ears and bounce off my skull. I need to rest, I know, but my characters could care less. “I must exist!” they proclaim loudly. So, I write. I create. And the voices calm, but never really quiet. How could I even ask them to? Don’t they deserve to die like the rest of us?